In Pastels We Trust

So last night I had a weird dream of aliens coming to take over the world. I don't know much of the details or what really happened but when i went to the gym this morning and caught a glimpse of the aerobics class the thought crossed my mind... what if aliens came down and the first thing they saw was an aerobics class? Women in all shapes and sizes reaching, bending and kicking in unseemingly ways in only god knows what direction (for each have their own limits), wearing every pastel color imaginable.

I later went to an army surplus store on a quest to buy more worthless stuff that i ll never wear or use, its a new hobbie of mine. While I was thumbing through the parachutes I couldn't help but overhear a customer with red hair and a flat top yelling at the cashier about how crappy the fatigues he bought were. He was wearing a lime green shirt tucked into a 2 sizes too small kahki pants. The crotch ripped out of his fatigues while he was out saving the world or somethin and the cashier suggested he just needed to get bigger pants. It was actually pretty damn funny!

To keep up with my hobbie of buying worthless stuff that I'll never use I decided to pull into DI to see what they had to offer. As I was pulling in I saw a lady pulling out of a parking stall right up front next to the entrance. So I waited to take her spot. Of course she was in a mini-van and of course she was talking on her cell phone. After alomost backing over an even older lady and a latino, both of which were wearing purple pastel shirts, she decided to stay on her phone but just take even more time to move. After another glimpse of who was coming and going I quickly asked myself "what the hell am i doing here" and left, but before I did i endulged in another hobbie of mine, road rage or the joys of patience as I like to think of it, I layed on the horn to let her know I was there and had been waiting for her spot.

I needed a few groceries and decided to hit up the supercenter. I go to wal mart for its the only place I know of where you can get creme-o-weber chocolate milk, DVD's and a Big Mac all in one stop. As I was walking through it I noticed all the many different pastel colored shirts they wear selling. It made me think of all the different people I saw today and I thought to myself this is the place where it all starts. As Im waiting in line I am rewarded for my patience by getting the chance of watching 3 of Gods choicest women receieve pedicures! And would you believe it 2 are wearing pastel colored shirts! Its just an extra perk at the supercenter.

So what if we re visited by aliens? Im not afraid! We're prepared. Our pastel covered people will scare the hell out of them or at least make them think they want nothin to do with us! We got great supercenters to supply us, we train in them, even our G.I joes wear em and we have a clothing purgatory to make sure they never go away! They'll think "what the hell am i doing here!" I just hope they honk before they go just to let us know they were here. I'd get off my phone and buy them a Big Mac.